“In a move which has stunned even members of his own political party, US President Barack Obama today admitted to being a gun owner. “I know in the past I’ve said some things about gun owners being bitter and clingy, but that’s all changed now.” It can be revealed now this change in attitude has been in the works ever since he was invited to a shooting range by an as yet, unnamed “blue dog” democrat while still on the campaign trail.
“I had fun!” Obama said, in an exclusive interview with Barbara Walters on April 1st, 2009 in an interview to be aired later during a news special on ABC. “I admit to being scared at first, but they were patient with me and taught me how to safely handle a gun. I now realize that guns are merely tools, like a hammer or a cell phone, and are neither good nor evil. It’s how people use them is what matters.” When asked if he had a favorite firearm he gushed, “Oh yeah! I love the .50 BMG! There’s nothing like it! I can see now why .50 BMG owners are so enamored with them. They’re the shiznit!”
In addition to today’s surprising revelation, comes word that part of the Whitehouse bowling lanes will be turned into an indoor shooting range for the nations newest gun lover. The modifications will entail lengthening the lanes to a full one hundred yards to accomodate the President’s growing collection of rifles.
“It’ll be the coolest addition to the Whitehouse ever!” Obama told Barbara Walters. “I now realize what the Heller decision means and fully embrace it. The second amendment is the most important right we have and it needs to be protected.”
Additional legislation introduced today by a sheepish Eric Holder and Nancy Pelosi includes National Reciprocity and the elimination of all un-constitutional gun laws on the books, nationwide. “The second amendment means what it says!” Nancy Pelosi said today at a specially called press conference to announce the new legislation. “It’s time we stopped lying to the American public and admitted the facts.”
Paul Helmke of The Brady Campaign however was understandably upset by today’s turn of events. “People don’t kill people,” he said in a phone interview, “guns do! I can’t believe the President, who we helped put in office would do this to us! We paid good money for him and he should stay bought! If he continues in this course of action we want our money back!”